25 YEARS TODAY

On July 29, 1997 James Ricky Holderfield took his last breathe in the body known as Rick or as some lovingly called him “Yank.” Rick lived in upstate New York till the age of 15 so thus the nickname as Yank. Many he knew in the residential building and commercial sheet rock installation business only knew him as Yank. Even though he had the northern “air” he was a southern gentleman through and through.

Rick was the kind of friend and man we all aspire to be. He was always there for whatever his friends or family might need. When I met Rick the first time we were at a bar in Atlanta. That was in the days if you were single, you went out drinking and dancing. I was with my best friend Rhonda. It’s funny looking back now, I am not sure if he really didn’t notice me that night or not. He did ask Rhonda to dance but she declined and neither of us danced that night.

I can remember the first time I saw him. He had on the then popular long leather coat that went down to the mid calf. He was handsome and had a “smooth” way about him. I remember watching him that first night and seeing how he would speak to ladies and the majority would succumb to his debonair personality and dance with him.

The next time I saw Rick it was in Rome where I was currently living. We were both out dancing and drinking again at a bar in Rome called Shenanigans or either Bogarts. I can’t remember which name it was then. This time Rick eventually asked me to dance. Well, I tried something I had never done before. I turned him down even though I so dearly wanted to dance with him.

Rick seemed surprised that I declined and wasn’t very happy about it. I had other guys ask me to dance and I did. I recall him coming back over to me and asking why I had declined his offer but excepted others. I really don’t recall the exact response I gave him but I do recall his reply. Rick told me in no uncertain terms to eat, the explicative, “s…” and die, “B….,” another explicative. He was so mad.

You see what I did was turn the tables on him. He was so use to every lady falling at his handsomeness and excepting his invitation to dance, that he didn’t know what to make of me declining his offer to dance. It was the exact reaction I really wanted. I was trying to get his attention. Remember that night in Atlanta, I saw none of the ladies, he danced with stayed around him very long and talked much. He moved on to the next one.

I wanted to dance with Rick and I wanted his attention so I found a way. I had never done this in my life nor have I since. I knew from the first moment I saw him he was very special and I wanted him in my life.

Finally, Rick calmed down and came back over to me and we had a decent conversation, no more explicatives were said. I had caught his attention and now he wanted to know more. From that night forward we never stopped talking to each other.

It wasn’t but a few dates and then Rick and I were never to be apart while he was here in this lifetime. You can read more about our life together in my other blog post. I do plan on going back and maybe adding more blogs to share more of our life together to show we had great times too not just the difficult ones that I have shared so far which were pivotal in my journey to Awareness or Awakening.

Rick and I were together over 10 short years. He was my everything! There has not been a day in these 25 years, I haven’t thought of him at least for a moment. Mostly, the thoughts made me sad. My desire is to move past that sadness and press on to the awareness he never left me. He is still here in me. He is me. I am him. He lives on through me. I can recall his voice calling me “Darling.” He always called me a term of endearment of either darling, sugar, baby, or honey but darling was my favorite.

I am, who I am today because of the love Rick gave me and all the things he taught me directly and indirectly. I am forever touched and changed because of the journey I shared with him and the boys. Today, I begin a new journey! It’s going to be different from these past 25 years. I am not exactly sure what all is coming. I just know that I have had these butterflies in my stomach the last few days. I am different. I am headed in a new path for my life and lots of big changes are coming. Rick is nudging me to step through this open door before me and spread my wings and “fly” onto the rest of this wonderful journey that has been already set in motion. (One of the last pictures ever taken of Rick. He was home after his hospital visit and still smiling at this time.)