AS ONE DOOR CLOSES, ANOTHER ONE OPENS

Our lives are a spiral. We go through many death and rebirth cycles. We grow. We learn. We go through valleys and have mountain top experiences. As my life ended with Rick that July 29, 1997, a new one was beginning. Just like now the old me, the unawakened and asleep at the wheel Wendy has gone to be replaced by the eyes wide open Wendy.

The funeral home came to get Rick at the house early that morning. Before they took his body, I laid next to him one last time. He wasn’t there. It was just the shell that held his soul, which had already moved on to its next destination.

Rick had asked to be cremated. We had a memorial service at the church. My then Pastor, bless his heart, I think this must have been his first cremation service. I don’t really have much memories during this time. I was going on autopilot. I remember not crying much at the service. I believe I was numb. The past 6 months had been extremely traumatic. I had lost mother and Rick in a span of 3 months.

Nothing was the same. I knew I had to begin anew and move forward. I was just 31. Most days I cried myself to sleep. I had been out of work with no pay for almost 6 months so I needed to go back and soon. I returned to work in 30 days.

We had been living in a rental house that Rick’s business partners’ mom owned and I wanted to move as soon as possible. So I began looking for a small house to buy. I no longer felt comfortable in the old patterns of life I had shared with Rick. So now I was trying to figure out what to do next.

I immersed myself in church and the extra activities connected to church. I no longer felt comfortable doing things with our married couple friends and yet I didn’t feel connected really anywhere. I was so lonely and lost.

Brandon was still with me but he didn’t want to return to school so he did the classes for his GED and enrolled in Devry Institute in Atlanta. He moved out not long after Rick’s death and moved to Alpharetta with my brother Jimmy to attend Devry.

This was definitely the end of what I now call my first third of this life. I have analyzed my life and I see it in thirds. There was the first third from birth to Rick’s death, then the 2nd third, life after Rick to life with my new husband Mark 2 years later, he was my husband for almost 16 years, and now my 3rd third, which is kinda funny but it feels like I have just only begun to truly understand life and live who I was born to be in this lifetime. Heck, maybe this is really the 3rd of many cycles of life in this lifetime.