LOOKING BACK TO MOVE FORWARD

I want to make sure my readers understand that I am not living in the past. I am sharing my life experiences to help others. Our healing journey can help others move forward into their own healing journey or prevent others from making the same mistakes we do.

During that last year at work I continued with chiropractic therapy and physical therapy but my body continued to give me problems. I had started having insomnia too. On top of my physical injuries there were more stressors in my life.

Mark and I had only been married 2 months when the accident happened. I hadn't dealt with all the trauma I had been going through the few years prior to our marriage or my childhood issues. The company Mark had worked for almost 18 years and had a really good paying position was sold and his future job security was a big concern. To top it off I learned of a big financial issue he had not shared with me before our marriage.

I shared before how I knew that when I married Mark there were some concerns of our combatibility. I was really immature in my relationship skills. Well honestly life skills period. I always just focused on the positives and ignored the negatives. I was so lonesome after Rick's death that I just moved forward without really considering the consequences. I wasn't aware of how my childhood had effected my interpersonal relationships. I just believed if I did my best to please others everything would be ok. This was such a terrible concept but unfortunately something many adults who lived trauma filled childhoods do.

I don't recall when I started on medication for pain and inflammation but I know now looking back this wasn't what was best for me. At the time I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia the protocol was to send patients to pain management not to rheumatologist as it was in years past.

When I came out of work in October of 2001, I had no idea that I wouldn't be able to return to work. A big part of my identity unfortunately was based on the job I did and my career with the company I had already worked 19 years for. It's so easy to see in hindsight all of these situations were a recipe for more trauma in my life. As I said before I write to share my experiences to help others but I have learned over the years since I started writing in early 2019 that it in turn has helped me as well. By my analysis in my writing my experiences, I have been able to do even more healing in the now. I know also that my writing sparked my own awakening. I had heard in many of my prayer times with God and my constant daily communion with Him that I was supposed to write about my life. I can recall as far back as 1994 His promptings. I definitely have seen how I must listen and move into action when I am directed and not delay. It's definitely been a lesson for me.