Loss of Innocence

Junior High, wow, lots of flashes of memories. The Homecoming Court, riding the bus home and things that was done on Mrs. Philpots bus. My first boyfriend riding the bus home with me and me going to visit him too. This was a time of discovery. Coming into a young woman but not having anyone to really talk about what all was going on and the thoughts in my head.

It was the time of the loss of my innocence and yet still so young but not feeling so young. I became more restless during this time….

The previous paragraphs were written almost two months ago. I am sitting here today balling my eyes out crying. It does something to a child when they face so many things at ages that their hearts, emotions, and mind are not equipped to handle. Parents guard your children. Let them be children. Today more than ever children are bombarded with things they should not be seeing and hearing.

If anything my life and many others are a true testimony of this fact. I have spent the last month pretty much in solitude. Alone at home avoiding my thoughts, avoiding talking to almost everyone. I spent time just letting my mind rest and shut down. Many of you know I fight insomnia which is supposedly caused from Fibromyalgia.

I am beginning to believe that I never learned how to be relaxed. How to truly let go of my thoughts, close down and rest, etc. I have lived in a constant state of turmoil most of my life. I haven't felt truly emotionally secure but for short periods of time in my life. Don't get me wrong, my salvation is secure. I know God has everything in control.

Remember God had me write my life story in hopes that many can learn from it. I know God will take everything in my life and use it for His glory. I know that He is with me always.

Today, as I am writing I am 53, disabled from health issues, retired early from Cingular Wireless with 19 years, divorced with no children of my own. It's just unbelievable how I lived such a stressful childhood and yet there is so much more to tell than what I have written thus far in my blogs.

I think about young children now. The family unit has continued to decline even more from when I was born. I look at how the number of children that we have that are medicated. The parents who are currently in the throws of addiction. The ones in recovery. The parents that need therapy, individual and couples. It's time we take our families back, our sweet tender children back, and our own mental health.

I know my story isn't unfortunately the only one that has been so difficult. There are many who could tell of a life worse than mine. Even some of my siblings could do this. My prayer is for healing to come from sharing my story. Healing myself completely from my childhood trauma, healing for others in my family who have walked similar paths, and for a future bright with hope, love, and contentment.