Stuck in a Loop!

I am still trying to keep things in a chronological order of happenings after I moved to my house on Maple. I know for sure that a lot of my days and evenings were filled with me going Live and me listening to other Lives of friends I had made on the dating/social site. My life had changed drastically in the previous two years.

I had gone through my divorce in January of 2015. A six month relationship and moved three times after my divorce prior to buying my house on Maple and moving. I have written previous blogs about these periods but I don’t think I really addressed how my circle of friends and even my family interactions had changed since my divorce.

This period reminded me of the time after my first husband passed in 1997 and how I had turned to religion as the answer to my sadness, loneliness, and pain. I know now I was searching for the truth and a connection to something that would give me that sense of belonging or knowing of who I was and why I was alive. Here I was once again 20 years later in the same place but it was definitely different.

I knew without a doubt that what I had been doing before wasn’t the answer. I don’t think the journey I took those 20 years were wrong. I believe it was all a part of my life lessons for this incarnation. Walking through the path of “religion” I saw first hand how giving power to something outside of ourselves only makes us feel more disconnected and still lost as to who we are and why we are living these lives we are.

All of my old friends were mostly from church and my life as a Pastor’s wife. So now I was trying to make new friends and find social interactions, as well as, find my place in life once again. I really thought it would be a simple thing to find a life partner now that I was divorced and thought I knew what I needed in a future husband. I definitely had no clue at all. I thought I knew everything but in truth I knew nothing!

I opened myself up to different people and different things during this period. I never let my connection to God waiver though. I occasionally went to church. I would visit different ones. But I always kept my communication with God wide open. I was still reading my Bible, doing Bible devotionals, and most of all talking to God all day long.

After S and her girls moved out I became close with E. Remember the young lady who had heard me give my testimony of my experience when I realized I had a soul. Well she was living in Northern California with her birth mom. She too was searching for her place in life. She had not had any experiences with God or the Holy Spirit.

When I shared my experiences one on one with E she began her personal journey with God. We would talk daily and she would come in my Lives. She had been through a lot in her life like me and we connected through our personal experiences of trauma and difficult childhoods. It wasn’t but maybe three short months that E and I decided that her moving to Georgia would be a good idea.

Here I was again doing something I had no business doing. We both were wounded souls looking for meaning and belonging. The decision was made for her to drive out to Georgia and live with me. Looking back I am kinda laughing now because I don’t know how I could not see bringing someone into my house again that I really didn’t know was the right thing to do.

You see we get in these patterns or loops in life and we keep doing the same things thinking we are going to get different results. Right now I just ask you to look at your life from an outside perspective. See if you can identify loops you are stuck in whether it be a job, relationship, or a life habit. The key to growth and personal transformation lies in your honest evaluation of where you are right now.