THE MARTYR COMPLEX

When I was born my mother and my siblings were in the biggest trauma of their lives. My mom's husband of 13 years had a massive heart attack and left this lifetime in November of 1964. Below I share a picture of my mom, W.D. Shanks her first husband, and my siblings Linda Marie on far left, Jimmy Ralph in mothers lap, Sara Kate (Kathy) on the left of her dad, and William David Jr on the far right. This was my mother's family before I was born.

Recently, I was called to go back and review my writings. As I have went back through, I am finding that I am doing more healing of the shadows and inner child trauma that still remained. When I originally began writing I had no idea how profoundly my current life would be affected.

I truly believe this act of reviewing my life and putting it on paper allowed me to analyze and step out of the stories I had told myself about my life and see things from a different perspective. This truly cracked open my consciousness and began my awakening to the truth of this life.

I have written before about realizing that I had taken on the responsibilities to some degree of how the period after my birth affected my siblings lives. This later in life caused me to always seek to receive my siblings approval. It has been as if I held my mom's responsibility as a mother to them in a strange way.

I believe this happened because of how my mom always blamed me for the sad state of her life when she was sad and drinking. I lived in a constant state of fear of what was going to happen next which was the majority of my life up to age 21. I was like my own mom. I got myself up for school from third grade forward. I was my mother's emotional support all my life until she left this lifetime in April of 1997.

I know that because of everything I went through as a child it encoded me to feel a responsibility for everyone. In most of my relationships, friends, family, and partners, I always have felt responsible for other person. I take on like a mother role or like a martyr. A “martyr complex” is a term to describe a trait where a person persistently carries out self-sacrificing behaviors. A person with a martyr complex may sacrifice their own needs to serve others, even at the cost of their own well-being.

Today I release this old template or version of my myself. I wipe it from my own personal matrix. I am only responsible for Wendy. I no longer will feel the need to take on anyone's issues or feel the call to help everyone. I will still be a good listener and friend, family member, or partner, as well as, a healer. I relinquish the need to take on others pursuits. I set clear boundaries for the healing work that I do. I will only assist when I am asked and only if the request is something that comes after I put my needs first.